Loving the Lock

One of the biggest questions I've gotten since we've started this blog, other than "Can I be your slave/will you dominate me?" Is: "How do I get my wife/girlfriend/partner to dominate me/lock me in chastity?" 

So, this is an extremely complicated, delicate, and frankly scary subject that can be applied to not just this situation, but any that really involve telling your partner that you need more from them...

Let me start with a bit of personal backstory. Subby and I met in college, where I was already toying with some BDSM thanks to my ex, who tried to train me as a sub... More on that later. Well, he definitely knew he had control fantasies, as well as DL fantasies. He will I'm sure tell you how excruciating it was to tell his new girlfriend about his fantasies. 

Last year, after I lost most of my weight (I had gastric bypass in 2017, and have lost about 200#), I finally decided to come clean with myself about my bi-sexuality. I also decided it was time to tell Subby. I have been battling with this for years, and I figured since Subby and I were now being truly open about our desires (this was shortly after he told me about his chastity needs), it was time. I literally agonized over telling him for weeks. I feared he'd leave me, or not want me anymore. For me, it was quite the contrary. Not only was he okay with it, he said if I ever wanted to try being with a woman, he's fine with it... As long as he doesn't have to participate. 

So, back to the original question. So, when it comes to D/s dynamic, there's really only three types of people. Dominant, submissive, and switches. As I mentioned earlier, my ex tried to train me as a sub. Well, I'm not a sub. I'm not even a dominant switch. I call myself a Domme, and I go by Mistress. So, I'm dominant. I was miserable anytime my ex wanted to tie me down or try to dominate me. 

I have a couple of girlfriends, one is a sub, the other is a switch who leans sub. Well, they both in their old marriages were forced in the role of dominant. It literally made them miserable, and was at least in part of what lead to the end of their marriages. 

This is where things get tough. Because you need to be honest with your partner about your needs. But at the same time, you can't expect your partner to fill those needs. They may not be a bedroom dominant even if they seem dominant in real life. Subby in our everyday life is the dominant. He's the boss at work, and he is the head of the house at home. But as soon as we step into the bedroom, he's mine. 

Ladies, if you're reading this, I will tell you that having a big, powerful man kneel at your feet and beg to worship you is a total power trip. A lot of the work that comes with being a Domme can be intimidating, but when you have him locked in chastity, with his face buried in your pussy giving you orgasm after orgasm to try and be good enough so that you'll let him out so he can cum inside of you? Totally worth. 

The long and short of this post is that no, you can't make your partner dominate you. But you DO need to be honest with your partner about your needs. Communication is your best friend in the bedroom. 

XOXO, Mistress Rhea